


Pidgeons go "Coo"

by AwatereJones



Series: Ianto Strikes Back [3]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Humor, M/M, Owen is a prick!, Revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 03:30:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4548618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwatereJones/pseuds/AwatereJones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SD4IANTO has been having a hard time, I understand hard times.  I am bipolar and when I have a bad time it is a BAD TIME.  Meditation has helped me overcome a lot of my demons and I no longer have suicidal thought but sometimes I can feel the weight of the darkness descending like a big wet blanket, pushing me into the dirt.</p><p> </p><p>This is for SD4IANTO, to show I understand dark times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pidgeons go "Coo"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SD4IANTO](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=SD4IANTO).



Ianto was practically skipping as he entered the hub.

 

 It was a beautiful day and he was feeling up. Like a shiny balloon floating along and even the grass seemed greener, brighter as he had walked to work, enjoying the sunshine.

  

The gulls were arguing and he had laughed at them as he unlocked the Tourist Centre door, hitting the red button under the counter with a playful smack.

 

 He skipped down the stairs and into the main hub, opening his mouth to offer coffee.

 

 “Where the fuck have you been!” Owen roared, “Not like you’ve been busy giving the boss a blowjob since some of us have been here since six o fucking clock this morning!”

 

 Ianto faltered as Owen popped the balloon with his sharp words.

 

 “Well?” Owen demanded as he stalked up the stairs from the medical bay, “Where have you been? Have to buy a new tie from ‘Nancies are us’ then?”

  

Ianto was dumbfounded.

  

Ianto checked his phone. Jack hadn’t called and texted for him to come in earlier, in fact he wasn’t due for another hour but couldn’t sleep, wanting to enjoy the day that had been peeking from around the blinds.

  

Owen was in front of Ianto clicking his fingers in front of Ianto’s face.

  

“Coffee?” Owen snarked, “You know? That stuff you can actually do off of your knees?”

  

“OWEN” Jack roared from his office doorway. “What’s going on?”

  

“Nothing!” Owen said innocently, “Just asking tea-boy here to load us up. Right Ianto?”

  

Ianto opened his mouth to speak but Jack was already turning away.

 

 Ianto felt the blow and sighed.

 

 Walking into the kitchen he found an ungodly mess and gasped with horror as he felt something crunch under foot. He looked down as he lifted his foot. Captn’ Crunch?

 

 “Sorry pet,” Gwen said gaily as she slipped around him and dumped a bowl into the sink full of dishes, “The packet kind of exploded when me and Owen were fighting over it. He just tore it open, I had some porridge ready but you know Owen!”

 

Ianto growled softly as he knelt in his favourite suit, feeling the granules grinding under his knees.   Once he swept up he ran a sink full of hot soapy water and did the dishes, leaving them to air dry in the rack.

  

The coffee machine was ready by this stage and he tamped the grounds into the baskets, seating them into their saddles and popped the first two cups underneath.

  

As the machine hummed and the coffee ran, he frothed the milk reminding himself that the steam wand needed a soak. He didn’t have to count to 25, knowing his routine enough to automatically switch the extractors off in time. Lovely golden crema covered the coffee in a fine film. Next two cups, he re-tamped fresh grounds and continued the extracting as he poured the frothy milk into the first two cups.

  

Two latte’s complete.

  

The second lot of milk, more this time, was frothed within an inch of its life and he mixed the chocolate with a wee bit of hot water, then carefully skimmed big spoonfuls into the cup, sprinkled with more chocolate and after a moment, a little cinnamon as well, placing marshmallows on the side.

  

The second extraction was complete and he gave the rest of the froth to one cup, pouring the left over pearly cream milk into the second.

  

He was correct in his measurements, to the drop and dropped the jug into the hot water.

 

He walked into the hub, Tosh’s hot chocolate was met with a sigh and smile as she smelt cinnamon. Gwen accepted her’s with a nod as she continued to talk to Andy on the phone. Owen snatched his with a mutter off “About time, too busy mincing to get here any faster?”

  

Ianto then made his way up Jack’s office.

  

Jack reached excitedly for the frothy Cappuccino and Ianto settled with the flat white.

 

 “What was that with Owen?”

 

 “I believe you have already checked the CCTV so why go over it?” Ianto shrugged as he sipped and relaxed.

 

 Jack looked at his lover long and hard. _Owen had hurt him._

 

 “He’s called a little prick for a reason” Jack said conversationally “Like a splinter under your fingernail.”

  

Ianto grunted and Jack frowned, the giggly teenage euphoria he had enjoyed at the flat last night was gone. Ianto now looked old, ancient and beaten down. _Damn. Time to bring out the big guns. Well, gun._

  

Jack opened the bottom drawer and placed it on the desk and watched Ianto look up at the clunk it made as it hit the wood.

 

 “Is that …” Ianto slid to the edge of his seat to look closer.

  

“Yep!” Jack smiled as he leaned back and placed his hands behind his head, “It’s the 2000! Holds twice the ammo and is reloadable with the extra mag within seconds.”

  

Ianto’s eyes were bugging as he stared at it, “It’s …. It’s so shiny.”

  

“Wanna go?” Jack shoved it towards him and cleared his throat as he reached for a file, feigning indifference.

 

Ianto gleefully snatched it up and ran from the office, then re-entered and gabbed Jack by his face and snogged him.

  

Ianto fled the office again as Jack slowly turned in his swivel chair, grinning at the wonderful assault he had just suffered …. Not!

 

 Ianto climbed up into the rafters and looked down over the hub.

 

 Owen was still snarking, this time Tosh was cowering as he told her that she was never going to crack that time lock bullshit she was working on.

 

“Whoever heard of a time bubble” he yelled, “Waste of bloody time! Some of us have to actually work around here!”

  

Tosh sighed and adjusted her glasses, a tic that told Ianto that she was upset.

  

Ianto moved along the steel girder. Not afraid of heights, Ianto was just as much at home up here as in the archives. He knew every bolt and T-junction.

  

He took a knee and looked down over his quarry, then he whistled softly.

  

Myfanwy answered, taking a soft flap around the main area and Ianto took aim.

 

 “Fuck!” Owen screamed.

  

Everyone froze and Jack pushed his chair close enough to his doorway to watch as Owen screamed and leapt around.

 

“IANTO” Owen shrieked, “Where the fuck are ya?”

  

Ianto sniggered and gave another soft whistle.

 

 Myfanwy took another circuit of the hub and Ianto re-aimed and fired again. Longer this time.

 

“AAAAAAARRGGHHHHHHH” Owen screamed like a girl, reminiscent of Jamie-Lee Curtis and Ianto smothered his laughter behind his hand.

  

“IANTO” Owen bellowed, red in the face, “THAT FUCKING LIZARD IS PEEING ON ME GOD DAMN IT ALL AND I ….”

 

 Ianto had whistled softly after the ‘fucking’ and aimed carefully.

 

 Owen got a face full of water as Ianto gave a nice long burst of the super soaker.

  

Ianto re-loaded.

 

Owen was now trying to wash his face under the tap in the hand basin as he spluttered and roared.

 

 Jack watched as his lover moved to a new position and Tosh noticed Jack looking up, following his eye-line to see her wonderful friend grinning manically as he aimed and whistled a final time.

 

 Owen stood dripping as he rubbed his face with the hand towel.

 

 “ME BOYS AND GOOD FELLA!!!!!” Owen yelled as Ianto tested the high pressure attachment, hitting Owen fair in the crotch.

 

  _Yeah, some days you’re the statue and some days you’re the Pigeon._

 

 Ianto slipped down and crept up behind Owen.

 

 He leaned in and whispered in his ear, “Coo.”

 

 Owen screamed.


End file.
